I woke up a little after 4am this morning. My wife had gone out with her girlfriends on a girl's night out and she called me on the way home laughing and giggling and I could tell they were all drunk or worse so I was pissed, worried, and asking myself why in the hell I was wasting my time, energy, and emotions on this nightmare.
I realized right away that my "unique" personality that I was born with has kept me single, saved me from insurmountable regrets, daily emotional torment, losing a house or two, a few cars, furniture, half my investments, and having to tear up the backyard to bury all the offending litigants. That cave man syndrome has been the single most valuable investment I have ever made but it damn sure ain't cheap. In fact around Thanksgiving and Christmas or at a time of great loss when there is no one to reach out or hold onto, well the price can be fairly high.
There is always a price to be paid for the choices you make but then there are savings to offset the expenses like when I woke up and realized this was just a really bad dream and my wife had left me almost 50 years ago. She wasn't drunk and coming home to piss me off, it was a damn nightmare. There are no arguments in my house these days now and no worries that one day one of us may feel it's no longer worth the effort and walks away taking everything including the little family you created.
I still face issues from time to time but they are my own and all the solutions are uncontested. The warmth in my life now comes from a blanket or memories that admittedly are fading with time. Much of this life is like it is in nature, the leaves get the most beautiful just before they die so maybe there is more time than I thought with beauty seeming so far away.Missed the trash guys today and I had a lot to unload- Oh well. My goal for today is not to put too much mustard on my sandwich and to have a nice cup of hot tea which oddly enough has become a daily ritual. I'm an iced tea guy but much has changed.
No comments:
Post a Comment