if only heaven had a phone

Mom's birthday was going to be today and she would have been 93yrs old. She was stunningly beautiful when she was young and became more so to me as she got older and needed help to get around and live on her own. The things I've learned having had to go through all the things she kept to herself are so heartwarming that I've had to stop many times and measure the time between the discovering and letting it all sink in. There isn't a family member or friend this beautiful soul did not love and care for with anything she had. How this woman raised two girls and me by herself working jobs that didn't pay very well and yet we always had food to eat, a warm bed to sleep in, at Christmas and birthdays we were celebrated and had presents and love. These kinds of people seem rare today but you'll more than likely find the ones who are left come from a much older generation than the ones who make the most noise and have the least to be proud of. My sweet precious mama even when she could no longer stand or walk, eat or drink without my help, this incredible soul never once complained or felt anything but compassion and concern not for herself, but for her caregivers and her baby boy.

There was a time in my life when I questioned if God really exists. Many years went by when I failed to live the life my mom wanted for me and she never one time not even for a second left my side. Always in my corner and prouder than I gave her reason to be. She always wrapped her arms around me even with what I put us both through in those days and was the guiding light that lead me away from an eternity in hell to one in heaven where our souls will once again be together.

Mom was a driving force in my life and at times I didn't realize it. As I continue to mark the time day by day since she passed from my arms to the arms of God I look back in my mind at all the times throughout my life when I thought I was making it all on my own. Since she's been gone it's become clearer every day that without her presence I would have found it hard to smile or laugh or to want to do anything worthwhile. I'm learning how important it was to do and achieve just to make her proud and proud she was. What to me were random photos I would take, to her were works of art she would want to be framed to show off to everyone. The jobs I had that to me were just to make a living and do well were to her achievements and something to be proud of.

Now since she is gone I've had to push myself just to get out of the house, to work or even go to the store. There is much for me to do to get back on my feet and acknowledge the faith that I have that my mom is still watching over me and wanting all the same things for and from me she ever did while she was here. What eventually gets me out of the chair is knowing it's what she would want from me. Clearly, it was always my mom who motivated me and it will continue to be that way until my time here runs out and my soul joins hers and I can be whole again. Mom made sure to write on the photo to the left that it was, "that darn wind," that had her showing leg. She was so beautiful and kind and she loved singing in the church.

I knew this day January 15 was coming and I wasn't sure what to do or how it would affect me so I think I'll make extra effort to stay busy today and maybe stop by the cemetery and take some pink roses and talk with her and God for a while. I'll handle it my way and I'll honor my mom in the process whatever I do today and however many tomorrows there may be.

 If you're reading this and you are blessed to have your mom still alive, call her today. Don't let a conversation end without her hearing how much she means to you. You may face time like I am when life will change for you in the blink of an eye and you will want everything to have been right before that happens. Live your life like your mama would want you to and honor her with all that you are and do. It's the best advice I can give to others and myself and I have a lot of work to do on that. This photo to the left is my sister's dad and my mom and now both of them have left this earth along with my own dad and gone to heaven. My sisters and I have different dads but we never really acted as though we were half related. We were brother and sisters, still are and I will always be my mama's baby boy. I know my mom's birthday will be celebrated in heaven by all those who have passed on that were a bigger part of my soul than I may have realized. Today I will remember them all and say a prayer that they wrap arms around each other and celebrate the birthdate of my angel, my heart and soul, my mom. I wish heaven had a phone- 

Music: My Only True Friend, -Gregg Allman
Music: Desperado, -Eagles