Mom raised two girls and me the baby on her own. We always had a roof over our heads, food on the table and at Christmas time we had presents under the tree and a stocking stuffed with all sorts of things. We didn't have money but I was rich. I may have gotten a used bicycle as a Christmas present but my gift was from God and it was my mom to come home to.
Mom told me of when she was a little girl and she and her sisters would get a quarter from Gran to walk to the store to get a steak to feed the whole family. They had a cow they kept in the field across the road and in those days bathtime was Daddy first then Gran, then each of the four girls one at a time in the same bathwater. Those days were where my mom learned how to be strong and thrifty. She learned to be patient and forgiving and to love God.
Mom wasn't perfect and she made some mistakes she would cry over but she never one time put any of us in harm's way and always loved us more than anyone else including herself. She always felt she let me down by not having been able to keep my father in my life but it wasn't up to her and I would always tell her you really can't miss what you've never had and besides, having her as my mom made me the lucky one over everyone I knew who had two parents.
A place for everything and everything in its place was her way of doing things and man oh man am I finding that out as I go through things as often as I feel up to it. Everything had to be clean and tidy and put away. It irritated me at times because I wasn't that way but I'm finding washers and bolts, screws and assorted things from decades ago that are all together and fit each other and most in plastic bags and squared away. If she wasn't going to use something anymore she would wash it up good then wrap it up in plastic and put it in the garage. She or someone might need it one day so she never threw anything away.
There are letters and newspaper articles, report cards from elementary school, and photos some from over 100 years ago and there are tons of them. As the sole executor of her will, it's left to me to see that everything finds a home where these things will be taken care of and cherished as she and her mom and all the way back to Gran's mom would have wanted. It's not an easy task by any means and the emotional stir is as exhausting as the sorting. I'm doing it all at my own pace and when I have to walk away from it for a time I walk.
Today 64 years ago and 2 months too early, God gave me the greatest gift anyone on earth has ever received. I never felt like I was deserving of such a gift but my mom made damn sure I knew she felt like I was. Today I went to lay down some ceramic flowers at the cemetery and I talked to her a bit and to God. All I can do is give thanks to them both for showing me what unconditional love feels like and to promise to work on feeling like I deserved it.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HCTunqv1Xt4
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