corn chips

As if I needed just one more reason not to engage in random interactions with other human beings, I get two solid reasons today and a couple of other possibles that may have flown over my head at the time. Tomorrow I'm thinking rabid silence may be on my plate and I'm going to make every effort and see how that goes. The idea of getting together with others to do almost anything has always been the bane of my existence. In school, I would walk down the hall past gaggles of contemporaries and not recognize a single face or say one word to anyone. Wasn't that I didn't like them, I just found school to be a waste of time and I desperately didn't want any part of it.

Most kids in school seemed to be having a good time while I literally hated it and couldn't wait to get out, go to work, and make money. Today is much the same type of thing. I had a rare conversation (for me) with someone I had never met yesterday and inside that conversation, I revealed I didn't smoke, didn't like the taste of alcohol, and couldn't stand drugs since 40 some odd years ago. I'm not one to talk much let alone revealing personal information to strangers but there I was doing it again... and it didn't take long to regret it. The person says, so what you're saying is you dislike all the things that bring joy?? 

My first thought was, so dope and drinking equate to joy in this person's mind and I am actually sitting here wasting energy having a conversation with this pinball. Then I reach out to God in my mind to help me not say what I was thinking and apparently, God was busy so I end up blurting out my usual type of response.. But it's crazy how conversations go from zero and relatively normal to 100 mph and into la-la land. How many times I've had to say to myself, dude, interactions with people is not your thing so why in the hell are you doing it AGAIN??

(Insert random stock photo of a man sitting alone on a pier) There is no possibility at my age that I'm ever learning how to gracefully get out of a conversation with someone who spews out something stupid in the middle of it. I'm SO much better off just staying silent and sitting at a table in the corner alone with no one there to tell me I have a piece of lettuce stuck in my beard. Tomorrow I'm going to practice keeping my mouth closed and doing some positive reinforcement nodding instead and see how that works. I'd like to get through an entire day absent an awkward exchange with another human being and I'm wondering if that isn't a bit out of reach for me.. If it should work, no one will be more surprised than me..

I can do this.. I can do this.. I can do this..