I recently became aware of someone else's story about divorce that had me reliving my own some 40-plus years ago. My divorce isn't a bash-the-ex story although some of what this guy is going through is very familiar to my own experience.
The decision to divorce in my case was not mine. In fact, I had no say whatsoever because the decision was made by the time I was advised by a knock at the front door from a stranger (process server) that I had 10 days to move out of our house leaving my son and my wife, and everything other than some clothes behind.
My divorce from Hindsight was the best thing in the world, for both of us. Probably for my son too but we'll never know that. Having zero experience with what a family acted like, getting married wasn't a well-thought-out thing in the first place. We were very young, and her parents did not want us to even see each other AND, we were pregnant and just hadn't had that confirmed just yet. In those days, the only option when pregnant was to marry and we did.
My home life growing up consisted of arguments and fighting and then divorce several times. That's all I knew. Thank God I had a mother who loved me to pieces but the damage of seeing all that turmoil was being done without me realizing it. My wife, on the other hand, experienced a big loving family with a mom and dad who didn't fight and were together many decades.
So I really don't think we had much of a chance for success to start with and we failed. My feelings about my divorce all those years ago is about the fact that I didn't have any say in it. I had a family, a great job to support us all, and a life albeit not the best in the world and it was decided without my input that all of it was to be taken away from me. I'm fairly sure I remember feeling I didn't really want to be married, but I wasn't at the point where divorce was on my mind. The depth of the pain I felt losing everything in my life at that time was indescribable and only known to me and my late mom at the time.
The impact of divorce was so deep and severe that I vowed I would never again test my luck or risk failure on that level again and in 45 years or so I haven't been able to even consider it while my ex-wife has been married a half dozen times since then trying to find the right mix. I admire her unwillingness to give up as I did and ALL of my relationships since those days so long ago have been affected negatively by the experience.
I'm told my son and his little family are doing well and my ex-wife seems to have found the right one (again) and I'm very grateful to God for all of that. But for me, I'm just not able to think about life at this stage as being anything other than alone. I've been able to focus on work and investing so I'm financially secure and have retired. I'm OK except for some health issues and I remain grateful for all the experiences I've gone through even the ones that didn't work out as planned.
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