Remembering the reason for the season has never been just a phrase to me. It is a reminder.
A reminder that the quiet melancholy I carry has a purpose. At almost any moment, I feel half happy and half sad, and I would not want it any other way. That balance reminds me of the people I have loved and the losses that shaped my life.
There was a time when our family felt whole. But all that changed when the matriarchs passed away. The center that held everything together disappeared. My father, whom I never actually knew, and my mother, who was everything good that remained, left this world with me in it alone, and here I am..
The sadness I walk with today is also a connection to them. It reminds me that love does not simply disappear.
Years ago I wrote about walking alone in this world. I did not yet understand how deep that feeling would become. But faith kicked in and reminded me that none of us truly walks alone.
Christmas brings all those feelings back home again: the lights, the music, the traditions, all the neighbors with family and cars parked all up and down the street. Sadness and light, living side by side.
Soon another year will begin. Another chance to do some good for someone else, just as my mother always believed was our purpose on earth.
Until my time here is finished, I will mention those who carry the same quiet grief in my prayers..
May God bless all of us.
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