Remembering the reason for the season isn't just a saying for me. It's a reminder. A reminder that there is good reason for me to suffer from a melancholy that lives inside of me. I'm 50% happy 50% sad at any given moment and I wouldn't want it to be any other way as it reminds me of the weight of losses I've had in my life. The family dynamic that went away some time ago when the matriarchs of our family passed away, the loss of a father that I will now never know, and a Mom who was my everything good that remained. While gone, the sadness and grief I feel today is a direct link to those people and I don't want to ever feel differently.
I wrote about walking alone in this world years ago, and little did I know the depth of alone I would one day feel. Today, it's God who promises to never leave my side, and I am comforted by the belief that I will never walk completely alone in this life.
The sounds of Christmas, the lights, the music, the movie "It's a Wonderful Life," all these things bring emotion that is equal parts sadness and light and that is the best I can do, the best I can hope for.
Soon God willing, there will be a new year and a new beginning and an opportunity to do something for someone else which my Mom always told me was the key to coming out of a feeling of depression. She practiced all those bits of wisdom herself and we were all the better for it. I will try my best to stay strong enough to follow her lead and I will always look to heaven for his, and her approval.
Until my time is over I will say prayers for those who also suffer from the loss of those who made such meaningful memories and who have now become memories themselves. May God bless all of us.
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