old photos

The older I get, the quieter I become.

No longer chasing friendships. I stopped reaching out to people who stopped reaching back many years ago. Validation isn't important to me. I already know who I am, and I no longer have the time or workspace in my head to waste being concerned about what others think of me.

There are fewer people and much less emotional noise from the outside making it inside.

Self-reflection and mindless regret fill my days. Solitude has become my peace.

Family has become an old photo and a distant memory. Old photos from a life that slipped away many years ago are scattered around in my mind while the link to my past continues to fade. 

Time is more precious than anything I thought mattered before I understood how little of it I have left. Take care of your health while you still have some left. 

I'm Not The Only One - Christmas 2023

The silence has become heavy.

With age comes an awareness of how many people who once filled our lives are now gone. The quiet they leave behind settles in deeper each year, and lately I can feel it taking a toll. My health has begun to falter, and the memories that once made me smile now arrive with a sadness attached to them.

Time seems to be moving at a pace that no longer feels sustainable. The days pass quickly, yet the silence stretches long, often consuming what little peace I try to hold on to.

I know others feel this same weight. This time of year, many gather together, sharing pieces of their lives with family and friends. I choose something different. I remain alone, in a place where I can sit with what I feel without embarrassment or explanation.

Not everything in life is meant to be understood. Some things simply are.

What I do know is that I spent too many years believing there would always be more time. More time with the people I loved. More time to heal old wounds. More time to become the man my mother hoped her son would be.

But time waits for no one.

And wasting even a small portion of it, as I have, now feels like a sin.

So tonight I pray alone for those who may still care for me, as I care for them, even if we remain apart. The peace I failed to make with myself, I now pray others will find before their own time runs out.

Thank you, Father, for saving the wretch that I am. Forgive me for the many ways I have fallen short.

Lay your hands upon those who feel this same heaviness during this season, and bring peace where there is none.

Amen.