I can feel the weight of the season as I get older and those who have meant so much to me have passed. The quiet times have begun to take a toll and my health has taken a turn. Those things that make me smile the memories, now make me sad. Time is passing at an unsustainable pace and the silence that keeps me company is consuming my peace.
There are others I am sure who are feeling the same and while many come together this time of year to share pieces of their lives, I choose to remain alone in a place where I can feel my pain without embarrassment or shame.
So many things today aren't meant to be understood and I know not everything we want life to be is meant for us. But for certain I spent too many years feeling like I had more time with those I loved, more time to heal from emotional wounds and to become the man my mom wanted her son to be..
But time waits for no one and wasting even some of it like I have, feels like a sin. Now I pray alone for those who may still care for me and I for them although we remain apart. The peace I wish I had made with myself, now I pray for others to find before their time is over.
Thank you Father for saving the wretch that I am and I ask your forgiveness for my falling short too many times. I ask that you lay your hands on those feeling like I do this time of year and may your presence bring peace where there is none.
Amen.
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