hello there old friend

It's been a while and yet not much has changed. Been some ups and a lot of days where nothing seemed to move me. I still miss what and who has passed and I still say real prayers for everyone else and have to remember to include myself. 

Jason had a birthday a couple days ago and the kid I used to hold next to me is now a middle aged man with a family of his own. I don't bother him on the phone or with surprise visits because I never want to push what may not be wanted. He could call if he wanted and that reminds me of my lack of relationship with my own father where neither of us called and then one day it was too late and he was gone. 

Not sure why I stopped in over here tonight maybe it was the chill in the air just enough chill to be a bit uncomfortable but not cold. That chill is a familiar one that covers me at times unrelated to the temperature and gets worse with the silence that surrounds my home and life these days. 

There is solace in knowing that unlike so many others in my life, my God hasn't left me and I have faith that he never will. Although the quiet and the darkness makes it feel like I am completely alone, God promises me that I will never walk alone in this world or the next and I believe him. 

On the physical health front although I haven't been feeling well the past several weeks, the labs tell a story of a fatal disease that has at least for now, not gotten worse over the past year and for that I am thankful. 

Rueben also wasn't looking so well a few days ago when he came by to check on me. He may have lost some weight and I fed him some of his favorite not so cheap cat food. His usual one tub turned into three and he ate almost all of it before he came over and sat with me for a while and took his first selfie. No one else human or beast, knows if I am dead or alive these days and if I'm truthful often times I'm a little of both.

Got all the tax prep to Mel today and took care of some business with the bank and Ameritrade which I usually put off till the last minute but not this time. It feels good to have those things tied up early this year. Feeling tired. 

Thanks Rueben for stopping by and for the photo bomb.