close friends

I've never had many friends. Many acquaintances, but few friends. Now that I've reached the second half of my fourth quarter of life with health issues raining down, it occurs to me that my solitary lifestyle, one that I cultivated and perfected, might not have been the best way to go..

Facebook says I have almost 5,000 friends as if I needed more evidence that social media is fake and a poor substitute for life. Having never been a "people person," it's no surprise that this part of my life where days and nights are hauntingly quiet and dinners for one are my way of life.

Around this time of year with Thanksgiving and Christmas bearing down it is especially tough seeing what was once warm and comfortable enter the rear view mirror. So many we once knew have moved on and away, some have passed away and in some cases just walked out of our lives.

It's interesting how working on my Will recently and sorting through all the complexities of who to leave what and how much and all the legal jargon and wanting to be fair and on and on has ended up giving me an intense general feeling of, who really gives a shit more than anything else. People who were not much if at all in my life while I was here, I've spent hours trying to sort out what they will get when they accidently hear that I'm dead and now all that seems like wasted time and a bit foolish on my part.  

All of the people who made a difference in my life have passed away. There is no one left. I'm leaving a few things to some of the people who helped me along the way in my professional life that gave me the assets to need to write a Will in the first place and I feel good about that. Not life changing things, just things to say a final thank you, appreciate it, see you on the other side. 

Social media aside and back in the real world, it isn't the numbers that have any meaning to your life or mine, it's the closeness or the distance like in my case that matters at my stage. I would say that I have one close friend. Not dozens or hundreds certainly not thousands, just one that feels close. And two or three others that I speak to occasionally if I do the reaching out.

Depending on your definition of "friend," the "close friend," if you have one at all, can make a really uncertain 4th quarter of life a bit easier to think about. 24/7 no matter where I am or where he and his wife are, I could call and he would answer without fail. I cannot say that with any certainty about anyone else including those who I spent and probably wasted, a lot of time on in the process of the Will.. 

One final, here is a link to a youtube video made and written by Steve Faktor. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4JHsLJH0Rdk&t=211s

Paul McCartney and Carl Perkins - My Old Friend https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rn19iLYFZKw