social studies

absolutely nothing happened today. 

No catalyst for this beyond the feeling over the past ever so long, that social anything has drained my senses. Not just the internet but walking down the street, driving the car, working, entering or exiting a business, social just about anything has reached a point in my life where it requires more energy output than I have left to give it. 

Interactions between myself and all but a few is so incredibly draining that I end up using more energy to avoid contact than I do trying to pretend I'm not doing that.

Political buffoonery I can't tolerate, I mute commercials, meaningless chit chat makes me grind my teeth to the root, mindless texts and emails, my tolerance for all of it has just about run out completely. Most  of what is commonly considered by most to be ordinary back and forth with people, places and things have now taken their rightful place as the useless wastes of what little time I have left while on top of this earth. 

This blog has always been the purging of things in my mind that have no other legitimate place to be expelled but here where it feels more sane to write than to sit alone in a dark room and talk to myself. 

Gone are those days when you knew if you went missing for a day or so someone would ask about you or come looking for your body. Those people, those someones, they're all long gone now too. I'm constantly thinking what's the point in regards to just about anything I do or get involved with and it wasn't all that long ago I could find some beneficial reason to endure a few things that made the social exercise seem worth it but no longer.

My world is different now, a different life than the one I lived just two years ago and I've found everything about it and in it to be damaging to my soul. While I do not fear the end of this life and have said many times that I am not eager to go, I wonder at times if perhaps I look forward to that end a little more than I care to admit. 

My promise to my mom that I would continue on is why I will remain here until God decides, not me, that my usefulness here has run its course. Until then I will keep looking on my own for some light on a dark path. The days and the nights where I live are very quiet even though I know I'm not actually alone.

He who finds the light, wins.

Moderna Booster Reaction

For several health related reasons and advice from my Doctors I got jab #1 (no reactions to speak of) in February 2021, jab #2 (some cold related issues but not bad at all) in March, then just this past Saturday the booster. I got all of mine at CVS pharmacy #1 and #2 in Abilene because no appointments locally, then the booster locally.  

Almost all in line for the booster this Saturday were older people with only a couple of exceptions. The pharmacist was the "shooter," and oddly enough he wasn't wearing a mask and wore only one glove which I thought was odd considering all day long for days on end this guy was presented with and being face to face with people some of which had not been vaccinated at all. 

I have zero interest in the debates going on over to get or not to get as I made my own decision for my own reasons and that is that. But I do have a concern over this pharmacist not wearing maximum protection around all these people giving them shots so there's that..

Day of shot, the shot itself was painful going in. He took aim, didn't hold the skin with one hand and just jammed the needle in and yeah, it hurt a bit. He didn't say I should hang for a few minutes to see if I had a reaction I just went to my car and headed home. This was about noon. By 6pm I was not feeling well. By 8pm I was feeling much worse. Body aches all over, chills I was wearing a jacket to keep warm, a headache that would kill a moose, the injection site on my arm felt like I had been hit full swing with a baseball bat and not enough energy to get off the couch. 

Sunday I woke up about 1pm and I felt like I had been slammed into by a train. Haven't felt this bad in years. On a scale of 1 to 10 and 10 being the worst, I was 10 plus and wondering if even catching Covid would feel this bad.

That was the worst of it so far at least as today, Monday I feel like my bad number of 10 plus is more like 5 today. Headaches are still there but not as intense and body aches are less with the exception of my back. Maybe the worst is over but we'll have to see. I've done what I can to help prevent myself from getting this China attack on the world that my Doctors say with my ongoing other health issues would probably kill me and that's really all I can do.