twenty twenty four

 I'm very close to making it through another year. There isn't a way to describe how I feel about having made it this far except to say the old music still fills my eyes with the same emotion that the memories of those times and the people in my life back then bring. How beautiful those days were and how oblivious I was to how quickly they would disappear. 

There is a very small portion of my current life that couldn't be more perfect while larger parts remain in shambles and a mystery never to be unraveled. One marriage failed would determine a path of solitude that would consume the rest of my days and many hours spent thinking if only I could exchange the successes I've had with the failures, how would that change my view of the world today..

There is no replay, no substituting directions taken that took me to a destination I am closing in on. The new year feels daunting and I anything but optimistic. My country is on the verge of slipping into a place we fought wars to prevent and turning it around gets more dire and unlikely every day. The will to stop those taking America to a hell we never thought possible would have already shown itself and a 150 million people or more would have engaged in the actions it is going to take to root out this evil from our midst in a final way. But I don't see it. 

I'm apprehensive about the upcoming year to say the least and I think there will be challenges and actions taken that will continue to shock the senses. The future is in the hands of the enemy within and we are losing ground and the time to stop it. Not a good way to start a new year dancing past the graveyard but what are we to do without the will to engage and stop it. 

I pray about it and I pray for those hurting and in need already before we go over the edge. I listen to the old music and remember the old times and those people who fought in wars at home and abroad so that the generations to come, the ones taking us to this hell, would not have to endure the future I see coming. My hope is that those who can least afford to suffer, find ways to endure without collapsing under the weight. 

Good luck in 2024. Stay close to God and speak to him often. Here's to those 150 million plus patriots who must be out there but so far unwilling to engage before it's too late. May you find the will to save us. Godspeed everyone. 

           

     

I'm not the only one.. Christmas 2023

 I can feel the weight of the season as I get older and those who have meant so much to me have passed. The quiet times have begun to take a toll and my health has taken a turn. Those things that make me smile the memories, now make me sad. Time is passing at an unsustainable pace and the silence that keeps me company is consuming my peace. 

There are others I am sure who are feeling the same and while many come together this time of year to share pieces of their lives, I choose to remain alone in a place where I can feel my pain without embarrassment or shame. 

So many things today aren't meant to be understood and I know not everything we want life to be is meant for us. But for certain I spent too many years feeling like I had more time with those I loved, more time to heal from emotional wounds and to become the man my mom wanted her son to be.. 

But time waits for no one and wasting even some of it like I have, feels like a sin. Now I pray alone for those who may still care for me and I for them although we remain apart. The peace I wish I had made with myself, now I pray for others to find before their time is over. 

Thank you Father for saving the wretch that I am and I ask your forgiveness for my falling short too many times. I ask that you lay your hands on those feeling like I do this time of year and may your presence bring peace where there is none. 

Amen.