peace at last

lessons, the ones you carry through your whole life, are the ones that cost you the most to learn.. That cost increases with time and like a tax you never stop paying it. Lessons involving the people you run across like the ones you now just arbitrarily mistrust, ignore, or push aside because you let one too many of the wrong ones get too close, that is a cost you can only quantify after you get older and look around and no one is there. 

The music you listen to, the laughter if you can muster, the crying you will do, the feelings you can't escape, the memories you can't forget, all of these things made easier to sort through when shared, you will now experience alone. 

I write about things that matter to me because these things have to have a place to go. The world that I'm seeing is not the one I had ever envisioned and while I'm still able, I write about it. I'm familiar and have been quite successful with traveling down unbeaten paths throughout my life, but this one, in my final quarter, is very dark and getting harder to walk.           

But God promises to walk these paths with me and I welcome the guidance like never before. Mom's final wish for me was to get closer to God so we would see each other again, it was her final wish for me from her heart that would soon give way to the arms that would pull her from mine and into heaven. I will keep the promise I made to her to try and find a way to live without her presence on earth and remembering that promise every day is all I can do. 

I ordered my headstone today that will be next to hers. It says, peace at last and my hope is that it will be.