the best things said come last

Tomorrow is Christmas Eve then Christmas will pass and a new year begins. That's pretty much my entire calendar by the looks of things. Was thinking about the year that is ending today while watching a youtube channel that I like and decided to put a few thoughts down. 

For an assortment of reasons this year has been a tough one for me and not all because of the virus that has claimed so much peace of mind. The loss of my mom hasn't gotten any easier and still claims a large part of my feeling of being lost. My health issues and mom not being here has me wondering how many years are left to do anything that may have helped me right this ship. 

A few people have been very kind to me this year and one or two still check in from time to time to see if I'm still alive while a few others one might expect would be checking in have instead just gone away. With people in general some things never change and with things, they always change. 

The works in progress are to get rid of excess stuff at both houses and perhaps sell one and move to the other. Looks to be a longer process than I needed it to be and doing it all myself adds weeks and months. Depression comes and goes and I feel thankful it hasn't just set in and taken me down and held me there, yet. I believe I have mom watching over me to make sure that doesn't happen. One more of many things to be thankful for the mom God blessed me with.  

Haven't worked in so long it feels like I've retired but without having actually done whatever it is you're supposed to do when you retire. From as far back as I can remember I used to say I would never stop working but the virus and other circumstances appear to have made that choice for me. 

So tomorrow night will be Christmas Eve and the movie It's a Wonderful Life will run. My mom and I always watched that together and this year I'll be watching it alone wadded up in a ball of self pity I'm guessing. But a lot of people are hurting this year and I can't help but feel like I've been so blessed in my life just having the mom I had that I have no right to complain. My hope for those who care and even those who don't is that you have someone to be with for Christmas and New Years and that you be healthy and that you have someone to love and feel loved in return. That's all anyone really needs and if you don't have those things, know that God is always there and you can reach out to him and never have to walk through this life alone. 

Merry Christmas and hopefully a Happier New Year..

my 2020 as a new, old man

2020 came and had me searching for a reason to want to live a life without the only human being who ever stood by me every minute of my life. Then the virus came and the work I used to keep my mind off the loss of my mom came to a halt. This was the year I signed up for Medicare reminding me that the life I've lived as short as it is, is even shorter now. There are sleepless nights and days filled with sadness and despair that have to be managed or they will consume me. Summer came and I learned I had not one, but two serious life-threatening health conditions.     

Not working has taken a mental toll that I wasn't ready for and I ended up selling my broadcast camera that ensures this no work thing won't just be temporary. The America I grew up in is now dead and socialism is in the fast lane of becoming a way of life. The low hanging fruit of small business that half of this country is employed by has been targeted by the democrat elites on the verge of controlling every word, every move, every thought anyone dares try to share. This isn't a script for a Twilight Zone episode, this is 2020. 

January 05, 2021, we will all know just how far this country is going to fall. If at the end of the day of the 5th of January the democrats get control of the Senate, the damage to this country that will ensue will take decades and many generations to recover from if recovery is even possible. On top of everything else that has taken place this year, to know we are that close to losing America for generations to come is impossible to digest. 

For those who have suffered enough already, for those who have lost loved ones that your life can never be the same without, and for those who for one reason or another cannot afford another loss of any kind, may God wrap his arms around you and protect you from further damage. It wouldn't hurt to say prayers for democrats to lose the runoff election races in Georgia on January 05 and for this sick and sad society that allowed us to be this close to the end of the greatest country the world desperately needs to survive. 

mwz