the weight

this was one of those nights where the weight of the quiet and the solitude became almost too much. My mind circled from one thing to another and became a storm of heavy stuff. The world problems, someone said something that didn't sit well and all of it beyond my control type things. The things I haven't accomplished and need to do and the things I have done that don't seem to mean as much anymore. The silence and the ticking of the clock, then the look of my mom's pretty face smiling in the photo on the table next to me jars my mind into realizing there isn't much left to worry about.  

Often it seems when I get into these moods it is the weight of my thoughts, my worries, the world outside my being that I cannot get out of the way of that brings me to this place I don't want to be. Too often I can't get out of my own way to lift the noise that keeps me unable to just be alive and find peace. 

Let it go my friend, I say over and over in my mind, just let it go and be. 

This is the only life I get and the lessons my experiences have taught me is that how I handle these things is how I know if any of those lessons stuck, or been cast aside in favor of a noisy world I couldn't care less about and that doesn't care a thing for me either. As I sat there I began to realized I'm not really alone and never have been. The things my mom tried to instill in me, they are there and they helped me drag my ass up and away from that funk. God, he's there too and always has been every time I began to feel like I was having to walk alone. 

I said a prayer for all who are suffering and those like me who feel a certain kind of way from time to time. For those who are sick and coping with heavy things in my own family and those I know and those I don't. For those who seem OK who might not be, I said that prayer for them too. 

So I sat down and wrote this out to remind myself that I will never have to walk this life down here alone. The weight gets heavy at times and I can feel too weak to carry it by myself but then I realize I don't carry any of this alone and never will.

God bless